15 Halloween Candies That Will Make You a TP Target
It happens this time every year. You remind yourself that you need to pick up some Halloween candy and then life happens and you forget until WHAM Halloween has arrived and you’re rushing to the store to pick up whatever you can get your hands on and the shelves are empty except for that lone bag of boxed raisins and you know as you pay for them that you’re pretty much going to be the most hated person in the neighborhood. This year, don’t let Halloween sneak up on you. Don’t let yourself be the raisin giver who’s left herself wide open to being attacked by toilet paper, silly string and stinky rotten eggs.
Here are 15 candies that will pretty much guarantee you'll be TP'd by some punk kids who hated what you handed out to them:
No explanation is necessary. Just don’t do it.
14) Any kind of fruit
The kid standing on your porch doesn’t want banana chips no matter how good you might think they taste.
13) Anything with hazelnuts in it
Kids will squish these candies between the bricks on your house to make it look like something pooed there.
12) Black licorice
Kids just can’t appreciate the deliciousness that is black licorice. Oh, they’ll discover it someday, but today isn’t that day.
11) Almond Joy
Think that coconut in Mounds and Almond Joy makes those bars healthful? Nope. The first ingredient in each is corn syrup, and a single bar has 80 calories, half from fat. Not to mention they don't even taste good.
10) Wax bottles
Unless that kid who used to pick wax drippings off of candles and then eat it is coming to your house, skip the wax bottles.
9) Good and Plenty
8) Sugar Daddy
Sugar Daddies are gluten-free, but they also double as a tooth extractor. If you wouldn’t want your kids finding a box of these in their bag, then do other parents a favor and don’t put this candy in their kid’s bag.
7) Circus peanuts
Circus peanuts are the cheapest, nastiest, old-fashioned excuse for a candy. Oh, and they taste like powdered marshmallows. Yuck!
6) Candy themed around other holidays
Leftover candy canes from last year are NOT acceptable. Not only will they have turned chewy, but they scream creepy hoarder.
5) Pop Rocks
This candy won’t have the kids hating you. As a matter of fact, they’ll probably love you, but unless you want a neighborhood full of bounced-up ravers, leave the fizzy crystals at the store.
4) Candy Buttons
Other than my Mom, I’ve never known anyone who genuinely liked this candy. Think about that last time you tried it- you got more paper in your mouth than sugar, didn’t you? There’s your answer.
Malt balls are the devil. This is a true story.
I know this isn’t a candy, but I had to add this to the list because apparently some people think it’s acceptable to hand these out on Halloween. Let’s be clear- it’s not. Yeah, it’s important to get kids to brush their teeth, but come on, it’s Halloween. And while we’re on the subject, don’t give away pencils. Not unless you want a bunch of angry, crying kids standing at your door looking at you like you’re the devil, plotting revenge against you in their tiny heads.
1) Those black and orange wrapped peanut butter things
I’m pretty sure nobody knows the name of this candy because as far as I know, there’s not a name printed on the wrapper and for good reason. They’re awful. And the company that makes them must be ashamed of what they produce. That’s the only logical explanation, right? Seriously, these things may be the worst Halloween candy ever invented.