It's National Sleep Awareness Week.  I say, if you're not aware of sleep then you just aren't paying attention. Alright, it's about better ways to sleep, but still. When it comes to snoozing, this is what the National Sleep Foundation and I think.

5) Do something dull before retiring. A little boredom goes a long way toward promoting sleep. If your wife is asleep when you come to bed, she may be telling you something.

4) Keep the bedroom dark. Light interferes with sleep. That would explain why your wife has it so dark in there. However that doesn't explain why she calls you 'Juan the pool boy'.

3) Keep the bedroom cool and the bed warm. If it's the other way around, tell her. I'm sure she won't mind....yeah right.

2) Drink milk before bedtime. Milk contains substances that relax the body.  My problem is that the Oreo cookie crumbs keep waking me up.

1) Use your bed for only one thing: sleep.  Oh sure, she follows that rule.

I hope this makes you more aware. I know one thing, if your wife becomes aware of this story, you'll be sleeping, because she'll knock you out.  You better make sure the doghouse has a heater in it because it's cold out!