Top 10 Signs Your Valentine’s Day is Gonna Stink

Not excited that it's Valentine's Day? Maybe it's because of something on this list of the Top 10 Signs Your Valentine's Day is Gonna Stink.

Notice how you woke up in bed alone? There ya go.
You're a guy and no, that's all. You're a guy.
Three minutes after picking you up, your blind date covers your mouth with a funny-smelling rag and says, "This hurts me more than it does you."
Cats don't give cards.
You're double-dating with your sister-in-law and her husband, who grow organic vegetables, home school their kids and don't have cable.
After getting matching tattoos, your girlfriend just casually asked if anyone knew whether Hepatitis was contagious.
Even though she's treating you to a romantic dinner, there's still something weird about going on a date with your mom.
You're going to a five-star restaurant, and the stupid cleaners lost your best tuxedo T-shirt.
You just told your wife she deserves the finest chocolates. But not nearly as much as her favorite chair deserves a break from slowly being crushed to death.
When your wife asks if you're going to get her candy, you say, "Do you really think you need it?".