The Return of Birdsall’s Valentines Day Survival Guide

OK, so Valentine's Day is coming. It's only a month away!

Some of you love it, some of you hate it. For those of you who hate it, maybe you’re single or you have no idea what to do, let me get you going in the right direction! How do I know anything about any of this?? I am horrible at keeping relationships. I have run the gambit, tried everything and no girl will keep me. I've been and still am hopeless in love. I've had relationships that lasted anywhere from 3 weeks to ten+ years. So, I've done a couple of V-Day's with a few different girls.

We will stop talking about me now because I'm not discussing my numbers. However, I know full well that V-Day is stressful and you may always be looking for what to do for a significant other on this highly over-rated holiday(my opinion). I can help you -- Rich Birdsall Style.

First… The guys.
YOU NEED MONEY FOR THIS! You have time though as this post is early enough for you to plan ahead. I need you to save $50 out of two pay periods for this. So wait and buy the new drill set(or in my case speakers) until after V-Day so you don’t end up looking like a selfish man pig. Now…

Every girl I’ve ever dated has uttered the words “Don’t worry about it… I don’t need anything for Valentines Day” at some point during our relationship. Heard it before, yes? Well, when you hear this, sirens, red flags and signal flares should be performing a chorus of chaos in your head!! What she really means, is surprise me, or I’m testing you to see if you do it anyway. DO NOT GET FOOLED! If you actually get her nothing for Valentine's Day you will feel the wrath. She’ll see all the flowers posted on Facebook and she’ll see all the snazzy chocolates at her job the other girls received and she will resent you for it! Trust me on this. I’ve seen it happen. You will need a miracle to turn this around.

So you will need to go get flowers. This you need to figure out. I don’t know your girlfriend/wife. So she may want roses or she may hate them, but get what SHE likes. If it’s a new relationship,  get like…6 roses. Pink ones so you don’t freak her out. No girl wants nine dozen deep red roses if you two started dating a week ago. SUPER SCARY! You’ll look desperate to impress.

Get candy. Chocolate, dark or white, whatever she likes and then you need to personalize this for her. Pick a card with a verse that speaks closely to your relationship, or a stuffed animal that looks like her pet -- You picking up what I’m laying down here? GOOD!

Also, DO NOT wait until the morning of the 14 to run to the gas station for flowers. She knows. It will remain a thoughtless V-Day gift in her mind forever (and ever).

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Now Ladies!
Guys don’t really care about Valentine's Day. They buy these things for you because your smile light up their lives. Can you live without chocolates? YES. What would your Zumba instructor say if she saw you murder a box of chocolates in two days?? AM I RIGHT? He did this for you to feel special and loved and so you can compete with the rest of your friends on Facebook. Guys don’t really want flowers or candy. Maybe get them a gift card for music, tools or video games (whatever he plays with) and slap those cards inside a sappy V-Day card he will half read. You’ll get kisses and hugs and be the best girlfriend/wife on the planet.

Oh, and if you cook, make steak.

This V-Day Survival Guide is now over.