Cinco de Mayo Fun Facts (Comedy)
Some people mistakenly think it's Mexican Independence Day. The rest don't care as long as the bartender keeps refilling their margaritas.
It's the only day of the year your liver says, "No mas."
It commemorates the day Cheech met Chong.
Next year, you'll have to cross a big, beautiful wall to celebrate it.
There's a movie in the works about Mexican General Ignacio Zaragoza's victory over the French, starring Tom Cruise.
Mike Pence wants to replace it with a day celebrating white people called Cinco de Mayonnaise.
It's a way to celebrate Hispanic culture without sitting through soccer.
It's the one time a year Americans get to let loose and have a few drinks.
That guy named Fernando in your office doesn't really like your sombrero, he's just trying not to make waves.
By some crazy coincidence, it always happens to fall on the 5th of May.
People think it celebrates Mexico's independence from Spain. But it actually celebrates Mexico's independence from sobriety.
Once you drink your tenth beer, it's traditional to yell "GOAAAAAALLLL!!!"
It's one of about five million holidays around the world that all commemorate a military victory against France.
It's racist. But in a harmless way. Like Aunt Jemima.
Millions of Americans will pack Mexican restaurants today . . . and others will go to Taco Bell.
In Spanish it means "Fifth of May". And in English it means "I'm going to dress in offensive stereotypical costumes as an excuse to get drunk".
If you celebrate with Mexican food, it turns into Stinko de Mayo.