The final day of September is International Translation Day. If you're married, then you know it can feel like you and your spouse are speaking two different languages or having two conversations at the same time.

Let me give you some free translation phrase advice, so this is what the ladies/men say and what it really means.

First the ladies:

I'll be ready in a minute: Translation: Kick up your feet and enjoy the game on TV.

It's up to you: Translation: It should be obvious what to do because I already told it to you.

Do what you want: Translation: You better do what I want or you'll pay for it later.

I'm not mad or upset at you: Translation: OF COURSE I'M MAD AND UPSET AT YOU!

Let's talk: Translation: Just agree with me, it'll be quicker and better for you if you want loving later.

Now the men:

I'm tired: Translation: I'm tired

Do you want to go to a movie or can I take you to dinner?  Translation: I'd eventually like to have some loving with you.

I love you/I'm bored: Translation: Let's have some loving now.

Will you marry me? Translation: I want to make it illegal for you to have loving with any other man.

Let's talk: Translation: I'm trying to impress you by showing you what a deep and caring person I am, so you will have some loving with me.

Remember your results may vary and happy Translation Day.

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