12 Tips for Celebrating Cinco De Mayo

1. If a bar isn't handing out free maracas at the door, move on to the next place.

2. If you're looking to celebrate respectfully, leave the Speedy Gonzales impressions at home.

3. As with all drinking holidays, ask yourself, "What Would David Hasselhoff Do?" You'll be fine.

4. This day is a remembrance of an important military victory for Mexico, and is a source of pride for its people. Just keep that in mind while you're vomiting Dos Equis, pork rinds and "the worm".

5. A respectful sombrero is fine, but if the brim can't fit through doorways, it's racially insensitive.

6. Professing love for your gardener is not a good way to show you're down with the Hispanic community.

7. If you plan on celebrating it in Arizona, DON'T.

8. Try in vain to avoid bursting into laughter when some hilarious quipster at the bar calls it "Cinco de DRINKO."

9. If you live in California, Texas, or Arizona, play a fun game and try to find someone who's not  Latino.

10. You're not celebrating Cinco de Mayo right if you don't have a threatening mustache.

11. Also... Eating your body weight in tacos will help you gain the full experience.

12. Binge watch "The Real Housewives of Tijuana".