The Truth About Being Pregnant: Part One

The alarm screams at me. I try to turn if off, but instead knock it off the nightstand so now it’s screaming at me from the floor. I’m starving. Famished is more like it. My head is throbbing. I think I might be dead. No wait, I'm not dead- I have to go to the bathroom. Now! Wait- I’m trapped. How do I get out of this bed? Oh yeah, I have to roll over to my other side. I can do this- one...two....I give up- this is taking too long.  Maybe I can inch my body down to the bottom of the bed and slide out. Yes, it worked! Freedom!  Steady now. I hope whatever I’m holding onto for balance is heavy or secured. Oh no, I’m dizzy. I’m not going to make it. Dear God please let me make it to the bathroom in time. Shut up stupid screaming alarm clock that I can’t reach because if I bend down, I’m sure to fall. I feel like a Weeble. I can do this. One step, two step. Must stop and rest. Ahhhh! I have no idea what that is but it just came out of my mouth from the deepest depths of my insides and is all over my just-the-night before washed floor.

I’m not fighting the world’s worst hangover. I’m pregnant and this is how my day starts almost every morning.

Pregnancy is amazing. Really, it’s a miracle to be able to create and grow human life. It’s a blessing to be able to bring new life into the world when there are so many women who wish they could but aren’t able. I was one of those women who was told I probably would never be able to have children and so you can imagine the range of emotions I felt when I found out that I was pregnant.

But I have to tell you that pregnancy is also horrifying and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. Since learning of my pregnancy, I’ve not experienced a single day without chest gripping anxiety. What if something is wrong with the baby and I don’t know? Is this new aliment normal? Am I pushing myself too hard? Should I be doing more? Am I going to lose my job?

I’m only a couple of months along, but I’ve already observed so many things about being pregnant and I'm sure as I progress, I’ll have lots more to add, but here are a few of my discoveries:

• No two pregnancies are alike. Some women have it easy and others feel like someone is flogging them. I fall into the second category. Within the first 7 weeks of my pregnancy, I went from wearing a size 12/14 pant to not even being able to get a 16/18 to zip over my stomach and hips. I seriously thought something was wrong with me. My hips and thighs exploded. My chest and arms grew rampantly. My face swelled to Michelin Man status. I couldn’t even keep food down, so had no idea where all the extra weight was coming from and every time I saw a cute little pregnant woman with a tiny figure and adorable bump, I wanted to cry. In time I learned that I have two previously undetected and massive fibroids and they’re the part of the reason I've had some pretty scary complications as well as trouble losing weight for the past couple years and why my body has changed so much during this pregnancy.

• People love to tell me I’m “glowing.” For some lucky women, this is true. Pregnancy makes them radiate, but for the rest of us there is no glow. Not unless you mean glowing by the toilet light. This baby has sucked the life and light out of me.

• Another thing I’ve heard a lot is “your skin looks so great!” Unless you think teenage like acne is adorable, this is a big fat fib. I envy women who glow and have flawless skin. My chin and neck has become a breeding ground for pore cloggers. I feel like I’m 14 again. Awesome.

• I can’t be trusted to wear nice clothes. I’ve begun carrying extra clothes in the trunk of my car because at least twice a week I have to change clothes when I get to work because my body has decided that even though it expelled only half an hour before, it needed to do so again on the 5 minute drive to work. By the way, whoever named it "morning" sickness obviously never experienced it. Morning sickness doesn't just strike in the morning. It's an equal opportunity stomach churner all day, every day.

• Men, especially complete strangers, become a lot nicer. I’ve never had more doors held for me or offers to carry bags to my car or seats given up for me. It’s like they see the bump protruding from my body and switch into protector mode. And I appreciate it.

• Carbs are a pregnant woman's best friend in the first trimester. I seriously couldn't love a doctor any more than I already do. He told me to chow down on carbs during the first trimester because the first trimester is the most brutal and that I'd need all the energy I could get to make it through so I should eat rice, potatoes and pasta. He then told me when the second trimester rolled around that I'd have to drop those things, so I took his advice and Little Venice, Cortese and Consols have all profited from my pregnancy!

• I can’t even begin to explain how pregnancy has flipped my personality. Although a massive control freak, I’ve always been pretty laid back. Not anymore. I am now a raging lunatic and I scare even myself. I’ve become a person I never thought I was capable of becoming and there are more days than not that I hate my lack of control over my hormones.

• Speaking of hormones, mine are raging. The other day I used the last tissue in the box and it made me cry. Why? At the time I was convinced that I loved that tissue box and was sad that it would no longer reside in my home but rather in the recycle bin outside. And when I say cry, I mean full on chest heaving, nose dripping, face reddening sobs. I can look back now and laugh, but at the time it was the worst moment in my life.

• Stores are awful at carrying gender neutral clothing. We’ve wanted to start stocking up on baby clothes so that we’re not scrambling last minute to get things together, but we don’t know yet what we’re having and finding clothes appropriate for either gender has been next to impossible. I so can’t wait to find out what we’re having- it’ll make shopping so much easier!

Those are just nine of my pregnancy observations and I know I’ll have so many more, so check back next month for part two. I'd love to know what things you learned about pregnancy either by being pregnant that nobody told you about beforehand. Would especially love to hear from guys who learned crazy things watching their lady. So, leave a comment below!

Disclaimer: I count my blessings every day and am so thankful for this miracle, even more so because I was told I probably wouldn't be able to have kids. This is simply an article highlighting my pregnancy observations-the good and the bad.