The final day of September is Translation Day. If you're a married person, then you know it can feel like you and your spouse are speaking 2 different languages. As a married man myself, let me give you some free translation phrase advice. What they/we say and what it really means.

First the women:

5) Is my derriere big? Translation: Tell me I'm beautiful.

4) I'll be ready in a minute. Translation: Kick up your feet and enjoy the game on TV.

3) It's up to you. Translation: It should be obvious what to do because I already told it to you.

2) Do what you want. Translation: You better do what I want or you'll pay for it later.

1) I'm not mad or upset at you. Translation: OF COURSE I'M MAD AND UPSET AT YOU.

Now the men:

5) I'm tired. Translation: I'm tired

4) Do you want to go to a movie or can I take you to dinner?  Translation: I'd eventually like to have some loving with you.

3) I love you/I'm bored. Translation: Let's have some loving now.

2) Let's talk. Translation: I'm trying to impress you by showing you what a deep and caring person I am, so you will have some loving with me.

1) Will you marry me? Translation: I want to make it illegal for you to have loving with any other guy.

Remember your results may vary. A special thanks to Dr. Wilfred Winky and his book "What The Heck Are You Talking About ?" for the heads up.

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