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Downside to Having a Holiday Birthday: My Family Forgot Mine

Me on my 30th birthday.

Lucky me, I was born on Valentine’s Day. Like a milestone birthday and a dentist appointment all wrapped up into one, Valentine’s Day is pretty much the most evil holiday ever. I’ll never forget my 30th birthday.  Nobody in my family remembered. Nobody called.  Nobody even so much as gave me a card.  No, I’m not bitter about it, but still a little sad (and it’s been a couple years). Turning 30 is a big milestone for a woman. I’m pretty sure if it weren’t for Facebook people would forget my birthday.

I hate Valentine’s Day not only because it cramps my birthday style, but because it shouldn’t be a celebration of love. It was originally celebrating Saint Valentine, a martyr for the Catholic Church. But so much for that.  I’m not a big chocolate fan, but guess what I get every year for my birthday?  Yup- Valentine’s chocolates.  I hate fluffy duffy heart stuff.  Guess what I get for my birthday?  Yup, mushy, gushy, fluffy, duffy heart stuff.  I despise being in overcrowded places.  Guess why I order takeout and stay home on my birthday?  Yup- because most restaurants pack people in like sardines with no room to breathe.

Despite the fact my birthday falls on Valentine’s Day and I’m not crazy about the over commercialization of love, here are some other reasons I think Valentine’s Day is horrid:

  1. The only thing worse than no date and no presents is when your Mom sends you a bouquet of flowers. Do you lie about who it’s from or tell the truth? Try to figure out which is the less sad option.
  2. There’s no pleasing your friends. If your guy gives you a lame gift, they’ll tease you. If he gives you nothing, they’ll tell you that you’re in a go-nowhere relationship. And if you get a great gift, clearly he has something to hide!
  3. Raise your hand if you’ve pretended to have a date just to avoid the fate of going out with a bunch of single women and getting trashed in celebration of your “independence”.
  4. As if you don’t feel bad enough about having had no one to kiss on New Year’s Eve, now you will have a new opportunity to listen to best friends and loved ones coo about getting engaged while you pretend to be interested – really, you just want a bottle of tequila.
  5. February 14th is actually the feast day of Saint Valentine, who is the real reason for the observation. It’s also the anniversary of a bloody massacre! Neither of these occasions necessitates hearts and flowers.
  6. Take a moment to consider folklore. Cupid was essentially a streaker man-child who used poisoned arrows to create “Eros”. Nowadays, we would call him a frat boy and arrest him for slipping girls roofies. Gross.

Ok, so let’s say you’ve got a holiday birthday like I do (and like my brother Brian who was born on Christmas Day).  Do you love that your birthday falls on a holiday or does it make you as happy as the possibility of having a root canal?

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