Butterball Hotline Is Now Open [GLENN REACTS]

My 10-year-old niece, Braedyn, is going to cook the turkey this year for Thanksgiving. Well, I've seen how her mother cooks, so she's going to need help. So I'm giving her my help...by giving her the Butterball Hotline number.  Here's some other helpful advice from your favorite Uncle Glenn.

1) If you have a phone with voice control and you say 'turkey', make sure it didn't call the ObamaCare hotline instead.

2) They now use both men and women to answer the phones at the Butterball Hotline. To make it more masculine, the men are calling it the Butterball Badda Boom Hotline.

3) If you get a male on the phone and tell him you want to talk turkey, he might start talking about the NY Giants...or Washington (both football and politics).

4) If you're like my sister, Michelle (or sis-in-law Laurie), and try to stuff the turkey with popcorn kernels so that you can have popped popcorn at the same time, you might want to call the Butterball Hotline.

5) If you're wondering, "Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing the kids?" or "If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?", don't bother with the hotline, just eat out!

Braedyn, I hope this helps and if this fails, there is always Chinese food. It's a "A Christmas Story" reference, ask your mom or dad.