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Bad Irish Jokes For Binghamton Parade Day Friends

Goodshoot

Describe the Binghamton St. Patrick’s Day parade with one word and you’re likely to get many one word answers:  fun, entertaining, exciting, colorful, inviting.  With all that free entertainment, there still may be an opportunity to zing your friends and family with a joke or two.

I’ve compiled the worst one liners ever with a warning, some of these jokes may require a Guinness or two to be fully appreciated.  Here we go…

Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they’re always a little short.

Q: How do you blind an Irish woman?
A: You put a bottle of scotch in front of her.

Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
A: He’s Dublin over with laughter!

Q: What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone?
A: A sham rock

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

Q: How does every Irish joke start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.

Q: Why don’t you iron 4-leaf clovers?
A: Because you don’t want to press your luck.

Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

Q: Why did God invent Jameson whiskey?
A: So the Irish would never rule the world.

Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
A:  A bachelor.

Q: What’s the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
A: 1 less drunk at the party

Q: Are people jealous of the Irish?
A: Sure, they’re green with envy!

Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!

Q: Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato?
A: To keep from falling in the stew!

Q: Do leprechauns make good secretaries?
A: Sure, they’re great at shorthand!

Q: How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?
A: He took a shortcut!

Q: What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
A: Short ribs!

Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
A:  Because they’re very short-tempered!

“I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.”
“Oh, really?”
“No, O’Reilly!”

Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
A:  A sham rock

Q: When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?
A:  When it’s a FRENCH fry!

Q: Why did the elephant wear his green sneakers instead of his red ones?
A:  The red ones were in the wash!

Q: Why is a river rich?
A: Because it has two banks

Q: What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A:  A Jolly Green Giant

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Irish!
Irish Who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Q: What is Barney’s favorite thing on St. Patricks day?
A:  A BLARNEY stone!

Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
A: He couldn’t afford plane fare

Q: Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover?
A:  I haven’t either!

Q: Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers?
A:  They need all the luck they can get!

Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river?
A:  He gets wet!

Q: What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?
A:  A leper con

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