15 Halloween Candies That Will Make You A Silly String Target
It happens every October. You remind yourself that you need to pick up some Halloween candy and then life happens and you forget until WHAM Halloween has arrived and you’re rushing to the store to pick up whatever you can get your hands on and the shelves are empty except for that lone bag of boxed raisins and you know as you pay for them that you’re pretty much going to be the most hated person in the neighborhood.
This year, don’t let Halloween sneak up on you. Don’t let yourself be the raisin giver who’s left herself wide open to being attacked by toilet paper, silly string and stinky rotten eggs.
No explanation is necessary. Just don’t do it.
14) Any kind of fruit
The kid standing on your porch dressed as one of the Minions doesn’t want banana chips no matter how good you might think they taste.
13) Anything with hazelnuts in it
Kids will squish these candies between the bricks on your house to make it look like something pooed there.
12) Black licorice
Kids just can’t appreciate the deliciousness that is black licorice. Oh, they’ll discover it someday, but today isn’t that day.
11) Almond Joy
Not only does this candy literally burn teeth, but it tastes disgusting. Seriously, why would you even consider buying Almond Joys?
10) Wax bottles
Unless that kid who used to pick wax drippings off of candles and then eat them is coming to your house, skip the wax bottles.
9) Good and Plenty
8) Sugar Daddy
Sure,Sugar Daddies are gluten-free, but they also doubles as a tooth extractor. If you wouldn’t want your kids finding a box in their bag, then do other parents a favor and don’t put this candy in their kid’s bag.
7) Circus peanuts
Circus peanuts are the cheapest, nastiest, old-fashioned excuse for a candy. Oh, and they taste like powdered marshmallows invented by heartless aliens.
6) Candy themed around other holidays
Leftover candy canes from last year are NOT acceptable. Not only will they have turned chewey, but they scream creepy hoarder.
5) Pop Rocks
This candy won’t have the kids hating you. As a matter of fact, they’ll probably love you, but unless you want a neighborhood full of bounced-up ravers wearing bunny suits in ten years, leave the fizzy crystals at the store.
4) Candy Buttons
Other than my Mom, I’ve never known anyone who genuinely liked this candy. Think about that last time you tried it- you got more paper in your mouth than sugar, didn’t you? There’s your answer.
Malt balls are the devil. This is a true story.
I know this isn’t a candy, but I had to add this to the list because apparently some people think it’s acceptable to hand these out on Halloween. Let’s be clear- it’s not. Yeah, it’s important to get kids to brush their teeth, but come on, it’s Halloween. And while we’re on the subject, don’t give away pencils. Not unless you want a bunch of angry, crying kids standing at your door looking at you like you’re the devil, plotting revenge against you in their tiny heads.
1) Those black and orange wrapped peanut butter things
I’m pretty sure nobody knows the name of this candy because as far as I know, there’s not a name printed on the wrapper and for good reason. They’re awful. And the company that makes them must be ashamed of what they produce. That’s the only logical explanation, right? Seriously, these things may be the worst Halloween candy ever invented. Probably by someone who hated kids.